I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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