Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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