I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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