no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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