I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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