Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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