I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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