He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
