I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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