I am puke
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
