Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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