every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
smell my finger.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize