I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Then you guys just all showered together...?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
