Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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