I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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