My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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