we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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