I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
