hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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