You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
