So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
