Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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