remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
