its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
