eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
