Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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