There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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