I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
