My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
