Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
