this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
