ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
