i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
