Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
