we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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