I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My penis needs a shock collar
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had sex on a roof
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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