We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
