How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
