She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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