fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
