if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
