Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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