Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
