I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
