Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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