Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
