i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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