Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
