I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
