Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
