kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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