sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize