so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
