i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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