if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize