My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize