He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
