you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
