BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
nutella sex= disaster
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
