I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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