Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
