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• (303): View more from Colorado

  God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.

  (720): View more from Colorado

  And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.

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• (518): View more from New York

  my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.

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• (408): View more from California

  that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.

  (682): View more from Texas

  Congrats, you're all grown up now.

  (817): View more from Texas

  I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!

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• (646): View more from New York

  If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.

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• (909): View more from California

  Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬

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