I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
