do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
