I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
